Listening to: Jack off Jill
Watching: Scream Queens
I need somewhere to talk about my feelings that's not just in my head.
This journal is a last resort.
Honestly, ever since the day I came home from the hospital I've felt like absolute shit.
There's just so much going on in my head.
Really, seems like no one in my real life gives a fuck about me.
Or most people I've met online for that matter.
I feel so fucking useless.
Everything feels useless.
I can't believe at a time I'm supposed to be my happiest, I back in this dark place I never thought I would return to.
I'm 20 years old now and what have I even done that matters?
I'll probably do nothing that matters.
I don't enjoy absolutely anything anymore.
Sometimes I can barely even force myself to smile back at my son.
I feel bad that I would far have not been a better person for him.
I just want to be happy.
I know my family needs me, but some days just feels like everyone would be much better off.
I deleted all my social media apps, not that anyone cares.
I'm just tired of seeing how happy my "friends" are and how much no one seems to give a fuck about my existence.
My doc put me on yet another antidepressant, so I guess we will see what happens there.
I'm not so hopeful though.
I just want to be a good mom and a good person, but it seems like no matter what I do I always fuck it up.
Well, I know most people aren't active but I'm sorry if you wasted your time reading this nonsense.